LIVIN' THE DREAM II

We talked about living the dream a while ago. Living the dream = happy, right?

Now its pretty clear in the world that rich ≠ happy. For those of you familiar with the principles of mathematical induction, this does not mean that poor = happy. Indeed, in most surveys looking at this sort of thing, happier countries tend to be richer countries. Although, only one country has gone backwards on the happiness scale since testing was first introduced in the 1970's: the USA. It is no coincidence that

On an individual level, studies reveal that having a job (with good relationships), having a good family life, good health, and having a personal degree of freedom are some of the most important factors.

For a few of us, the lucky ones, those four things are a given. As a white, middle class, university educated, english speaking male I'm hardly likely to be discriminated against. (Although I make myself eligible through my hairstyle and dress sense. Damn airport security profiling and their cavity searches). I can vote, I can complain about stuff (like the Melbourne Football Club and thieving defectors like Tom $cully) and write utter tripe like this blog and am not likely to be punished for it. (I test the boundaries on this by occasionally tweeting #bombthreat and seeing what happens. So far, so good. Hang on, who's that at the door? #geronimo)

However, what I'm interested in is what the broad studies can point to as factors in an individuals degree of life satisfaction but cannot pinpoint. i.e the factors in individual lives that make them happy. For example, my 'personal freedom' has origins in a few different places. Skateboarding, cooking and gardening. When I perform these activities, I'm not thinking far ahead, and I try not to multi-task too. I crave living in the moment, so that I can experience things acutely, with 100% of every sense. They say that babies experience everything as a single sensation in their early days - that is to say, when they feel hungry, their senses are morphed into one overriding sensation of hungryness. No wonder that their visible displays of happiness and sadness (laughing and crying) are so intense.

Living in the moment aside, I admit that last night as I fell off my skateboard, and gave my elbows and hips some quick exfoliation on the bitumen, I briefly thought about the trouble I would be in with my mother-in-law.

With so much environmental 'noise' in our lives now, it can be difficult to live in the moment and be free. I mean, I find myself trying to multitask while cleaning my teeth. Which inevitably involves stopping cleaning my teeth. Which isn't multitasking at all, rather doing multiple things extremely poorly at near simultaneous times.

And indeed, often when we are so immersed in these liberating activities, we perversely want to share how happy and free we feel. Through Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. On second thoughts, I'm not sure whether it is sharing, or proving how happy we are.

Here a some notes from a recent study:

Happier countries tend to be richer countries. But more important for happiness than income are social factors like the strength of social support, the absence of corruption and the degree of personal freedom.

Over time as living standards have risen, happiness has increased in some countries, but not in others (like for example, the United States). On average, the world has become a little happier in the last 30 years (by 0.14 times the standard deviation of happiness around the world).

Unemployment causes as much unhappiness as bereavement or separation. At work, job security and good relationships do more for job satisfaction than high pay and convenient hours.

Behaving well makes people happier.

Mental health is the biggest single factor affecting happiness in any country. Yet only a quarter of mentally ill people get treatment for their condition in advanced countries and fewer in poorer countries.

Stable family life and enduring marriages are important for the happiness of parents and children.

In advanced countries, women are happier than men, while the position in poorer countries is mixed.

Happiness is lowest in middle age.

 

To quote a marvellous song, its not what you look like when you're doing what you're doing, its what you're doing when you're doing what you look like you're doing.....Unfortunately though, the only YouTube version of the song I can find is from Remember the Titans, or somesuch rubbish movie, which rather cheapens the experience.

So what is it that you do? How do you define yourself? What are you doing when you look like what you're doing?

 

COWARDLY ACTS OF FATHERHOOD

I'm in a bit of a quandary here. You see, I'm a father of 5 months, so in the scheme of things, I know very little. Therefore there is every likelihood that my earnest dissertations on fatherhood will earn scorn and rage from the wider, wiser world.

If I was to compare this to, say, the world of hip-hop, this is akin to young 'rapper', such as Drake telling 'I feel like I killed everyone in the game last year'. It has been widely suggested that the game he was referring to was not, in fact, the rap game, but instead snakes and ladders.

However, the tiny bits I have learnt I would like to share, but not in a 'take notes and write a comprehensive book in 10 years' ala Dr Phil kind of way. Which is a bit furtive and creepy (which is, after all, my modus operandi. Hang on a minute...) as it would mean that any comments shared by friends and family would be breathlessly reproduced in print.......as they will be here anyway.....

QUOTES FROM MY FATHER/THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE

While we were talking about breastfeeding and Emma's corresponding appetite increase, my father chimed in with typically deadpan yet accurate advice, which went something like this:

'In some trials conducted with Jersey milking cows, a diet supplemented with grain resulted in a 30% increase in milk output. The species may be different, but the philosophy remains the same'

Taking this statement to the farthest conclusion, I realized that I can provide some advice for husbands and partners. But before I do, I want to assure you that I have honed all advice using the time-approved sources; my own experience (10%) and YouTube videos (the remainder).

So here goes.

There has never been a better time to consider your beloved one as a cow than when they're breastfeeding. And therefore you as the proud farmer. So chuck on some RM's, grab a sheep for some extra curricular activities (aka company) and grow your eyebrows. Shits gettin serious.

Many women find breastfeeding difficult for a whole host of legitimate reasons. However, it is up to you to ensure that the following can be ruled out:

1. Diet. Obviously. Fulfill the cravings that occur during and after pregnancy. Whatever those cravings may be. If this means your girl needs vast amounts of vacuum packed blueberries grown in cleared Amazon rainforest by captive slave labour (supplied by Halliburton) then now is not the time to start thinking of human rights, carbon miles or any of that left wing pinko United Nations taskforce endorsed garbage. Jump in the SUV and get to Costco quick smart. Oh and shovel down one of those delicious $2 all pork hot dogs while you're at it. I know someone who had to go to the movies simply to buy popcorn for their craven wife's craving. The regular microwave popcorn would not hit the spot. Now that, my friends, is being a provider.
2. Stress. Seriously. In Kobe, they massage their cows to release stress and soften the flesh. I suggest you do the same, or at least provide some free time for your lady when she can chill and possibly get a massage from someone else. This isn't about some weird sinister Stephen King style plan to fatten up your wife and sell her for human bbq (although now I think of it, you could consider this as some kind of unspoken Plan B for when the Global Financial Crisis Round 2 strikes. After all, every man/woman has his price). See the video below for tips on how to do this.

 

Probably give the ole 'forcefeed beer routine' a skip though if you want your child to be able to play nicely at the playground/put the square peg in the square hole anytime before the age of 20.

3. Ambient surroundings. It aint no mistake that the best beef and milk come from cows that are wandering pristine rainforests and land that has been cleared for grazing by such visionaries as tin-pot Brazilian dictators and Ted Bailleu. Grass fed beef, quite simply, is the best of all. Sure, fattening up with grain (that could be eaten by humans namsayin) has its merits (if you have no grass and large amounts of grain unfit for human consumption) but sustainable grass fed beef (no, not an oxymoron) is where its at. And sustainable environments are what we want, not just in the environment, but in the household too.

To provide a good ambient atmosphere for your lactating lady friend, you don't need to build 2 identical nurseries a'la ole mate Jay-Z and Beyonce. Naw. No matter how much money you spend, your brethren will still explosively shart their pants whether said pants are made of gold or pesticide ridden cotton from China.

(Actually, solid gold pants probably would be easier to rinse. But harder to put on. Swings and roundabouts)

Sustainability is what we are after. Go for a lifestyle you can afford, both financially and mentally. Whether you're going disposable or cotton, co-sleep or confine-to-the-basement, hand-wash-organic-fibres or hose-down-plastic, cry-to-sleep or pick-em-up, whisky-on-the-gums or just-a-hint-of-passive-marijuana-smoke, if you can keep your mind and household reasonably clean and uncluttered, everything will be okay. Shit, you might even get laid*.

All of the above might mean learning a few new skills. So man up and do it. Oh and here is one you should already know.

 

THIS WEEK'S QUIZ/GRATUITOUS BABY PHOTO OF THE WEEK

The following answers have been provided in response to common questions about the photos below.

 

1. Incorrect. That is a full size chair. He is just, well, big for his age.
   
2. The correct term is tabi. They were developed primarily to allow the wearing of socks and thongs. Trust Japan to think of these things.
3. True. A pair of tabi is essential for any person serious about toe pinching.
4. False. And somewhat unkind, may I say. That is his 2nd chin. His 3rd chin is obscured by the purple ensemble.
5. Incorrect. The photo of the recently crowned Sumo Champion can be found here.

 

INCONGRUOUS JAPANESE COURTESY OF THE WEEK

I remember getting spam mail from BMW In South Melbourne announcing that they had a coffee machine in the local dealership that you could go and try 'FREE OF CHARGE FOR THIS WEEKEND ONLY!!!'.

This is the local Honda dealership in our small town. Thats a La-z-boy, and yes, that is a cot. A play area, too. The cot looked so good that I was wondering I wanted to do a trade in on that too.

Just simple courtesy that makes all the difference. A lot better than being served a rubbish flat white by some shiny bastard in a suit (FOR ONE WEEKEND ONLY!!!). Like after that I'm going to go there and pay for coffee? In Melbourne? Who are you people?

PRODUCT OF THE WEEK

I'm sure that you can buy fly swats in Australia. Maybe even for the equivalent of ¥105 - approx. $1.20.

But a fly swat, with a cuddly koala motif and a pair of removable tweezers to deal with the flattened insect?

 

Love it.

SPORTING MOMENT OF THE WEEK

Hmmm. So much to choose from. Its like going to the Ziploc section of Costco. I could stay there for days.

The Dees doing Essendon for their first win of the season, the Wallabies beating Wales, LeBron winning a ring.

The above all demonstrate that sport, and achieving goals in general, can bring so much joy.

I feel it would be unfair to single out a moment from any of those achievements for display this week. So instead I'll focus on the other element of sport that brings inestimable joy. Schadenfraude. That is, pleasure at other people's misfortune. For every person cheering their team on to victory, there is another cheering the other team to lose.

This week, it was Tom $cully's turn. A young man, who had the opportunity to lead the mighty Melbourne Demons back from the footballing wilderness to premiership contention, or be paid obscene amounts of money to go and play for an expansion team in some god awful spot in Sydney. I could go into the complexities of why I felt so deceived by him, but this video sums it up very simply.

I just hope he gets what he deserves (a spiral fracture in both legs)

 

And this is sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

*if this works, please let me know immediately.